2005-06-29 - 6:45 p.m.
i wear a mask
no one knows more than my name
this chick
told my girl
that she heard about me
from some dude
who knew me
in college
said he told her "things" about me
things she wouldn't repeat
said i couldn't be trusted
i knew the chick was lying
so few people knew me
knew anything
more than my name
my family
what they wanted me to be
only my sisters knew anything about me
the inside me
cause i wear a mask
i went to new york
went to a workshop
a lyrical conference
they said you gotta be true to yourself
that was funny advice
spent so long
being someone else
likable
friendly
patient
understanding
spent so long
being okay
never upset
never mad
i prided myself on being that cool chick
who can take anything and be alright
till the storm came
and showed me the reality behind my smile
the fire that lives inside me
no dude from college knew that
hell
i didn't even know
i thought i was being real
thought i was honest
thought the mask was just make-up
just an embellishment
to the real me
not a blanket
or bars
hiding me
holding me in
away
from myself
and others
my mask
is a construct of my fears
created by my secrets
i want to be real
honest
but sometimes
old habits are hard to break
so even those who think they know
they don't know
some think they got me all figured out
got my whole life
my every move mapped out
think that since they saw one thing
two things about me
that
that is all there is
never taking into consideration
that we all have sides
curves
shadows
and incredible things
hidden behind our masks
