2005-06-10 - 3:12 a.m.
i allow myself to cry now
for a love that existed maybe only in my mind
whenever they choose to come
i let them
without respect for pride
or my makeup
or my former inability to connect
or feel
or care
i cry now
because i can
when i choose to
whenever the tears will come
i cry now because i must
in order to silence this rage inside of me
this constant revolving door of false love
this constant list of leavings
i cry now because i could not then
when i was hurting
or scared
or angry
or lonely
i cry alone
with company
in my car
on the train
in planes
(which is not advisable after 9/11)
and recently on my mother's lap
i cry whenever i can
as a testamony
that the tin(wo)man had a heart all along
and that i could have cried whenever i wanted
had i aloud myself to want such a thing
i cry now
and i pray
and i thank God for these tears
for these feelings
and for the sheer joy of this misery
